Why Relationship Based Practice Matters in Autism inclusive ECEC

In autism-inclusive ECEC settings, building a positive relationship is the most important priority at the start of the year. EYLF-aligned, relationship-first practice helps autistic children feel safe, regulated and ready to engage in learning before skills and expectations are introduced.

Across Australia, early childhood educators and families now have access to clear national guidance that reinforces what inclusive, high-quality practice looks like in the early years. The National Best Practice Framework for Early Childhood Intervention highlights family-centred, strengths-based, relationship-driven approaches delivered within children’s everyday environments. At its core, the guidance reminds us of something educators already know to be true: learning does not happen in isolation, it grows from safety, connection, and trust.

Start With the Relationship: Why Connection Comes Before Curriculum for Autistic Children

The beginning of a new year is full of expectations. New routines. New goals. New assessments.

But for autistic children, the most important question at the start of the year isn’t “What skills are we working on?” — it’s: “Do I feel safe here?”

Across all new transitions, the strongest foundation for learning is relationship. Before an autistic child can show their skills, participate in group routines, or engage in learning, they need to feel emotionally safe, understood and genuinely connected to the adults around them.

Focus on relationship first, especially at the start of the year

For many autistic children, the early weeks (and sometimes the whole first term) are not about performance or progress. They are about settling, observing and working out whether this environment and these adults can be trusted.

This is not a delay.

It is a necessary and protective process.

At Autism Inclusive, we encourage educators and early learning teams to intentionally prioritise relationship-building at the beginning of the year, even if it means slowing down everything else.

When relationship comes first, learning follows.

Follow the child’s lead: Let them teach you

One of the most powerful ways to build connection with an autistic child is to follow their lead.

This might mean:

• Sitting beside them in play rather than directing it

• Joining in with what already interests them

• Watching first, then gently participating

• Letting the child show you how they engage with the world

• Letting go of expectations ie if the child does not sit at Matt time, that is ok, this can be a future goal once the child feels comfortable in the environment

  
  

Autistic children are constantly communicating through movement, play, interests, repetition and sensory preferences. When adults slow down and pay attention, children begin to feel seen rather than managed.

Use interests as a bridge to connection

A child’s interests are not distractions from learning they are doorways into connection.

Special interests can:

• Create shared joy and positive interactions

• Reduce anxiety in unfamiliar environments

• Support communication and engagement

• Build trust between child and educator

When we allow children to bring their interests into the day, whether dinosaurs, spinning wheels, letters, trains or sensory play, we are saying:“You belong here as you are.”

That message matters.

Predictability builds safety

While relationships are central, predictability supports those relationships to grow.

Consistent routines, visual schedules and clear expectations help reduce uncertainty and allow children to conserve energy for engagement rather than survival. When children know what’s coming next and know that adults will support them through changes, their nervous systems begin to settle.

Importantly, routines should be used, not just displayed. Talking about them, referring to them and adjusting them with the child helps routines become a shared tool rather than a rigid demand.

Success builds confidence

Early in the year, activities should be designed so children can experience success.

That means:

• Matching activities to developmental level, not age

• Breaking tasks into manageable steps

• Reducing unnecessary demands

• Valuing participation over completion

Confidence grows when children experience “I can do this” moments, especially in a new environment.

Give it time: Safety comes before skills

Many autistic children need weeks or an entire term before their true capabilities become visible. This is well supported by research underpinning the Pyramid Model, which highlights nurturing relationships and supportive environments as the foundation for social, emotional, and learning outcomes.

When adults prioritise connection over compliance, children are far more likely to:

• Regulate their emotions

• Communicate their needs

• Engage with peers

• Take learning risks

• Show what they are capable of over time

A gentle reframe for educators

If a child is not yet engaging, participating, or showing skills, the question is not:

“How do we get them to do more?”

But instead:

“How can we help them feel safer and engaged?”

When we get the relationship right at the start of the year, everything else becomes possible.